This has to be the most miserable day in London so far this year. A real November day.
It's dark, raining, the kids are out on the street shouting and my head feels like a bus is driving through it.
Someone asked me this morning if this "life shock" had given me a new perspective and drive to do all the things I'd always wanted to. On days like today it is hard to hold on to perspective, positivity and all that jazz. I keep thinking that I should make the most of everyday even through the chemo because who knows it could all get worse from here on. At the moment I can feed and wash myself and get the train to the hospital myself. That said, going out to get milk seems an effort right now.
Saw a Panorama programme last night about the crisis in care for elderly at home. I now have some small small clue of what it feels like to be that vulnerable, to be relying on care from outside. I'm lucky my family and friends will be around for me but not being able to do things for yourself is a real fear.
If I were at work I would not worry I'd just keep my head down in my emails till home time. Instead I'm trying to squeeze as much as possible out of each day.
Hard when your brain feels like mashed potato-e.
(Ooo that looks wrong with an "e" on the end).
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