christmas cheer

Have a fun time at Xmas everyone. I'm unseasonally excited about it.

Normally I detest Xmas but this year we are going to be in London which is a novelty for me. I remember last year I was having trouble eating xmas dinner because I didn't know it but I had a huge cyst. I promised myself that this year I would find out what the hell was the matter with me. I knew I'd been ill for at least 3 years, acutely so for 6 months. I couldn't find out what it was though, however many doctors I saw.

Meanwhile there I was working like a bastard.

I don't even know what I was doing now. I know I was flying to America every month or two, working till nine every night, sleeping all weekend and still being exhausted. I know I worked all the time doing something and could not or would not listen to myself. Without wishing to sound all new age, my body was telling me something but I would not listen.

I always wonder how much my work contributed to my illness. People always say, "no no you mustn't blame yourself, you couldn't have done anything about it" but I don't buy that. If I hadn't been so stressed and tired for a long period (about 5 years) then perhaps my immune system would have fought this thing. I was nursing a broken heart too, and they say you can die of that!

Have a good Xmas, you never know when it might be your last.

Comments

[Beth]

I think the broken heart a more likely contributing factor than your work schedule. Over the past 20 years I have started, owned, run, & sold several businesses (sometimes two at once) -- used to say, "Oh, great, the weekend, only two more working days 'til Monday." But I was (and am) madly in love, and fully energized, despite lack of sleep. (Contrariwise, about 22 years ago, in the throes of a divorce, I went to a doctor because I couldn't sleep, had broken out in a persistent rash, had canker sores in my mouth, just felt awful -- when I explained what was going on in my life, the doctor said, "Actually, considering the circumstances, you're really doing very well. Don't worry. This will pass once the divorce is final.") Strangely enough, he was right (50 ways to leave your lover was popular just then). Thinking of you, and hope your 2004 brings surprises of the good, happy, healthy sort.

[Kirsty]

A good lesson for us all, I think!

Merry Christmas!

[RickinVa]

Candygirl,

Stumbled across your blog... was moved...

Pulling for ya...

[candygirl]

RickinVa
Thanks...read on...

Kirsty ...not meaning to preach, just got all preachy!

Beth ...very interesting... you may be right.

[Herb Goldschmidt]

Very moving. My wife Beth died last March 16 from colon cancer. Candy died on what would have been Beth's 59th birthday.

Herb

[Wendy Dear]

When I read Emma's diary in yesterday's Guardian I was so pleased that she was able to put into words the horrors she was going through. Both my sisters died of ovarian cancer and whether old (as they were, one 68 the other 78) or young (as Emma was) the way this dreadful cancer affects the body is equally devastating. Her words made me cry but I hope they will move someone to do something positive about this insidious cancer that modern medicine does not seem able to detect in time. My condolences to you all on her loss.

[jo]

I have literally just read Emma's diary. How special was she? Not only did she share her experiences through treatment but shared the delights and downs of everday life. I am a little older than Emma was and with two teenage children and a husband I've been grumbling about the frustrations of not leading a more glamourous life! Emma's gift of sharing a chapter of hers so beautifully and honestly not only has encouraged me to pursue my ambition to become a writer, but has allowed me to accept life's what you make it and it can be a bastard! But how wonderful it can be when you share? Thankyou Emma, thanks for sharing.

[Malcolm]

Dear Linda and the mob....
- just arrived home to the horrible news. So shocked. Emma was part of the beginning of my Australian life....34 years ago. Glad Mem was able to speak with you. Hope to speak soon.

Malcolm

[angela]

I read about Emma in the Mail today and i just had to say how moved i was. My mum died of breast cancer 6 years ago and my best friend was diagnosed with it 5 years ago but thankfully is doing fine. With Emma in mind I will send here a big bouquet on the26th March (her fifth anniversity post cancer.) You were lucky to have Emma in your life.

[Melissa Day]

I read about Emma in the Daily Mail today and her diary moved me so much.
She was obviously a very remarkable woman.
Thank you Emma; for writing your diary and reminding me what is important.
You are an inspiration !
Melissa
( in Essex )

[Edmund]

Having 'discovered' Emma in the moving article in the Mail today I am deeply moved by her biography and the way she has shared it. I am only sorry that I have not been aware of her story until after her demise.
I am interested to know whether her family 'Candy' is the same one as I have traced back on the web as being among my forbears. My great Grandmother was Charity Candy and the web tells me there are many relatives, Ernest being the name of several about the 1900 date though I have few more recent names. I should be honoured to think of Emma as one of my distant family.
May she rest in peace.

[Angela Metcalfe]

My Mum died of ovarian cancer on 12th Feb 2004, her funeral was yesterday. Infact it had spread to stomach & bowel cancer in the end. She became ill on 10th Feb last year but was far too gone in cancer terms to ever survive. My sister rang me tonite and gave me this website. I feel deeply saddened for Candygirl and her family, I know exactly what you have been thru. It is the most horrendous illness and to watch a loved one completely fade away in such pain is truly unbearable. I just hope that in the future, the "specialists" might be able to detect the signs earlier to give the sufferer a slim chance of survival. God bless you Angela xx

[Joanna Isles]

I have just read the artical in the daily mail and would like to say sorry you have lost a wonderful person who was obviously very special to you all.
I myself have ovarian cancer i am 42, married with three children and i have to sayit is refreshing to find somone who seemed to be dealing with the problems in the same way, by trying not to let the cancer alter, or change you in any way and to try your best to carry on as normal when ever possible. In my case the cancer is hereditory and caused by the gene BRCA1 and several members of my FATHERS family have died from it This seemed to be a problem in getting diagnosed as most GPs only look for the mother daughter connection when in fact men can carry the gene just as well as women.
On a lighter note this morning i have just finished painting my own coffin (i am an artist) and seen the vicar to discuss my arrangments, I have written cards for my childrens birthday upto them being 21 (quite a few in my youngests case he is only 4)
I have bought a golden wedding prestent for my parents next yesr and writen numerus letters. Nothing like being prepared eh!
I dont expect to be here to much longer now unlike Emma i decided to stop my treatment when it seemed to have stopped working and i wish to stay at home now till the end with my family (so that i can still order them about really)
I wish i had found this site earlyer i would of loved to have spoken to Emma.
Hope you all cope well now she has gone and feel very proud of her i know it hasnt been easy for you or her.

Joanna

ps sorry about the spelling i can draw but alas not spell.

[Marianne]

Remembering a beautiful person and giving her a big hug.

Fondest Love

Marianne XX (5th February 2005)

[Marianne and Dave]

Emma, In Sydney with Mum and Dad. You are always in our hearts.

With love,

Marianne and Davexxx

[Linda]

Four years ago we were hoping for at least four or five years more of her. We did not know then that her first operation had probably made that impossible. Her sparkling presence in our lives is missed terribly but she is very much alive in our hearts and minds.

[Marianne]

Happy birthday Emma, 23rd November 2008.

I send my love to all your family, especially your new little niece Lulu who will be visiting your home town for the first time this week end to remember you on this special day.

Love as always,

Marianne and Dave xxx