may I be Frank ?

thanksgiving

Last night boy cooked a huge thanksgiving meal for that well known American holiday. Something to do with pilgrims I think.

We had.... Pumpkin Soup

An 18lb organic turkey from Borough Market, butternut squash, pumpkin, sweet potatoes, green bean carrots, stuffing, apple sauce and cranberry sauce of course.

followed by Tarte Tatin & Pumpkin Pie

Here's the invite...

Nine lovely friends came to join us at G's flat which was just as well because my house is too small to swing a gerbil.

I very ungratefully couldn't keep my dinner down. I think the gremlins are coming back and they are irritating my stomach. I hope this isn't a taste of things to come.

Billy Bragg made me cry, everything makes me cry these days. I've suddenly become very afraid.

so quiet

I have been quiet because I had a birthday, my bro had a birthday and my boy came back and my mum is here from Oz and there has been lots of family and friends stuff.

In the meantime here is the invite I made...

It was very fun and very overwhelming.
More later with pictures.

train ride...15 coaches long

Boy on now on 11am train from Turin with 2 suitcases, 3 cases of wine and a duffle bag.

Hope he does not get held up at Waterloo because of Georgie boy's security operations. I have to go to hospital at Westminster bridge, they better not hold up my bus.

They say

"For the Buses : All bus routes in central London and surrounding areas may be subject to delays due to congestion caused by diverted traffic. Allow for extra journey time or find an alternative route. "

What do you mean find an alternative route? I have to get to the hospital. I can't go to an alternative one. I've been waiting a month for this appointment. You know I'm really cross, why do I have to pay more on my council tax for Georgie to come here and get in the way?

Go home Georgie

back for good

I guess now it's time... that you came back for good...

Tomorrow
boy comes back from 5 months working in Italy
before that he lived in America
which is where he was born
I am very excited

Georgie Boy and Boyf in town on the same day
How nice

mashed potato-e head

This has to be the most miserable day in London so far this year. A real November day.

It's dark, raining, the kids are out on the street shouting and my head feels like a bus is driving through it.

Someone asked me this morning if this "life shock" had given me a new perspective and drive to do all the things I'd always wanted to. On days like today it is hard to hold on to perspective, positivity and all that jazz. I keep thinking that I should make the most of everyday even through the chemo because who knows it could all get worse from here on. At the moment I can feed and wash myself and get the train to the hospital myself. That said, going out to get milk seems an effort right now.

Saw a Panorama programme last night about the crisis in care for elderly at home. I now have some small small clue of what it feels like to be that vulnerable, to be relying on care from outside. I'm lucky my family and friends will be around for me but not being able to do things for yourself is a real fear.

If I were at work I would not worry I'd just keep my head down in my emails till home time. Instead I'm trying to squeeze as much as possible out of each day.

Hard when your brain feels like mashed potato-e.
(Ooo that looks wrong with an "e" on the end).

it's what you get used to

My friend pointed out today that diabetics stick needles in themselves everyday.

She said :
"my bro injects 3 times a day every day with one of those pens... And when he was little and first started we all did it in the family with him for a while to get practice and get used to... Its not anything special after a while, and no, it doesn’t make me feel sick, same as sticking bits of hard plastic into my eyes every day – which I do."

So I suppose you can get used to anything.

dumbstruck-dumbhat

Phew....!

I don't really know what to say at the moment.
3 days in to 5 day treatment. Just feel extremely tired and a bit non-plussed.
Found out today I need to give myself injections everyday! They are called GCSF, ment to keep my immune system working. Does it make you feel sick? It does me.

Anyway....
Not sure what my blog is ment to be any more.
Is it a daily diary? photo-love story? A eulogy to family and friends? A resource for others in the same situation?

So...here's a silly hat I bought today

My mum is doing everything, much washing and cooking. Which makes life so much easier. Next week it all kicks off, boyf back from working abroad, bro's birthday, my birthday and thanksgiving dinner (the boy is a yank)!

Maybe I'll feel more chatty then.

r-e-s-p-e-c-t ... find out what it means to me

Last sat I went to a birthday party and was dancing to "Respect" by Aretha Franklin amongst other things.

It was fun. Parties are more fun when you don't go to many and nobody minds if you sit down alot.

Nothing to do with being ill I just like sitting down!

the new regime

Here's me looking scared on my way to start my new treatment. I didn't sleep much last night.Once a day for 5 days an infusion of Topotecan, second line cancer treatment.

I feel fine right now, just very tired. I guess it's not so bad having a little bit at a time it will build up over the week. CA125 blood test looking good at 36. Normal range is 35 but I need to get down to zero if possible.

Keep you posted.

you don't bring me flowers

Some one sent me flowers today.

I don't know who it was they didn't leave a name....